EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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