We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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