after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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