Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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