Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
