you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
