I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
