8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
