Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
