Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
