I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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