you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
