The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
