she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
