His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
