that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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