Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
