I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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