Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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