Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
