so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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