your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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