Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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