Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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