I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
