How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Shame is for Republicans.
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