i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
