you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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