I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
