Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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