So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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