to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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