my mouth tastes like poor choices
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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