I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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