HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
