We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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