the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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