how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
