Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
