Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
