just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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