There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
