i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
