I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
