when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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