Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
