Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
