why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
