at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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