Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
