I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
